Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Another scary situation
So the last few months have been pretty freakin scary being in and out of the hospital with I guess you can call it minor stuff. Until last weds or should I say last tues night my heart felt like it was doing back flips. And on weds I went to work in holes of doing a full shift because of my absence at work. But that didn't happen I was suffering from heartburn all day and being out of breath and dizziness I pushed on and not to mention the burning feeling I had going on in my chest like someone was holding a match to my heart. Four o'clock came and u said fuck it I'm going home so I drive home picked up my gi Kim and drove to the hospital, I gave them my symptoms and within half an hour I had Iv's in me oxygen up my nose and was being transported to one of the best heart hospitals in the greater Toronto area. Yup I had a major heart attack and when I reached the other hospital I was rushed into another emergency room and had an angiogram and discovered my arteries were almost completely blocked so they did an angioplasty and thus begins my road to recovery after my week in the hospital I am now home recovering and taking things real slow, I have been walking my dog in short distances. Eating very healthy as in a high fiber low salt diet. The good thing to all this is there was no damage done to my heart it is still very strong the doctors had told me that it is rare for someone to have a major heart attack and have no damage done to the heart, I truly believe someone was watching over my shoulder that day. I have to give a huge thank you to my girl Kim she never once left my side was at the hospital everyday and has been a total angel and not to mention my own personal nurse when I needed her. So now begins my long road to recovery and I send thanks to all my very good friends and well wishers. This was a serious life changing experience and Im making a promise to myself to get stronger and better and never go through that again, because there are way to many people in my life that need me and I don't plan on going any where for a very very long time.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Nervous
Alot of things have happened lately such as big move back to the city It's been quite a long time since I have had a place of our own I have a great job and pays well and the boss takes care of me and the guys I work with. My kids have been doing awesome they are so happy, and my parents well there parents lol, a lot of things don't make me nervous I mean up until seven months ago I was still paying child support for my deceased wife and I was slowly falling into debt and was having money problems did that make me scared or nervous? No way but what has really made me nervous lately is the fact that I have been in and out of the hospital thaw last couple of weeks, my first trip thinking I had a kidney stone attack but after a cat scan nope that wasn't it, I had diverticulitis or so it seems that way the cat scan also showed I have a swollen prostrate, ok no problem I can hassle that right? I mean with a few meds for a week I should be good to go, wrong I went back to the hospital on Tuesday because on Monday I developed a bladder infection (yay me) went to a specialist and he told me that my diverticulitis could be hiding something in the form of pancreatic cancer but back to the specialist for now. I went pee before I saw the doc and that was the last time I went so the next day being Wednesday I went. Ack to the hospital and there was a blockage in my urinary Track so here I am wearing a cathitor for the next ten days, nervous yet? Nope I'm nervous about the cancer thing you see my wife passed from cancer and pancreatic and prostrate cancer run in my family that's what I'm nervous about but I will find out this week when I get my results, keep you posted.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
and then there were three
January 20 2009. I was standing in a birthing room at Stevenson's Memorial Hospital in our little one horse town,my wife was going into active labour with our son Mitchell.
It was also a historic date not because I was finally going to have a son but the United States was Inaugurating there first black president into office. The birth of Mitchell had to have been the scariest ordeal I have went through,While Angela was going through her contraction, the nurse had asked her if she would like to go into the hot tub, this also helps with the pain. She was only to be in there for twenty minutes but left her there for almost an hour,during this time Mitchell decided the hell with you guys I don't want to go down that dark tunnel I'm going back up, And when he did he went sideways and towards the back which caused Angela's stomach to disappear, which scared me, my mom,the doctor,and the nurses.
Minutes later the nurse walked in with scrubs for me and told me to put them on right away, we are taking your wife in for an emergency C-section, I think I had them on in 30 seconds.I followed them into the operating room which they had put all other operations on hold to take care of her and Mitchell.
The operating room was something I had never saw before and was something i had never expected. It had a very tiny waiting room with a window looking in on the stainless steel bed, the room was an emerald green color top to bottom. Just as they were about to prep her for the procedure the nurse decided to take one more ultrasound to see if Mitchell had changed position, Thank god he did and was back into the birth canal..Whew.
Once we were back into the birthing room her contraction became more frequent and before you knew it, it was time for the boy to make an appearance.Within minutes his head was starting to show, more and more of him came out followed by the umbilical cord, my god its wrapped around his neck and he is purple.
My heart was now in my throat and my stomach just knotted up,one his shoulders cleared the doctor grabbed him and pulled him out his body was completely purple and his heart rate was very very slow, after a few more minutes he finally took his first big breath of air followed by the sound of him crying, I am the type of guy that doesn't cry to often but this was one of those moments that i cried.
Two years have gone by now and it is almost his birthday and he is a little power house I have called him Moose since the day he was born and my mom calls him Bam Bam because of his strength i.e. carrying a bag of milk or carrying his booster seat not just a few steps but pretty much across the house.
When Moose gets older his sisters will have to watch him with there boyfriends I have a sneaky feeling he will be alot like me when he grows up, and protect the people he loves.
It was also a historic date not because I was finally going to have a son but the United States was Inaugurating there first black president into office. The birth of Mitchell had to have been the scariest ordeal I have went through,While Angela was going through her contraction, the nurse had asked her if she would like to go into the hot tub, this also helps with the pain. She was only to be in there for twenty minutes but left her there for almost an hour,during this time Mitchell decided the hell with you guys I don't want to go down that dark tunnel I'm going back up, And when he did he went sideways and towards the back which caused Angela's stomach to disappear, which scared me, my mom,the doctor,and the nurses.
Minutes later the nurse walked in with scrubs for me and told me to put them on right away, we are taking your wife in for an emergency C-section, I think I had them on in 30 seconds.I followed them into the operating room which they had put all other operations on hold to take care of her and Mitchell.
The operating room was something I had never saw before and was something i had never expected. It had a very tiny waiting room with a window looking in on the stainless steel bed, the room was an emerald green color top to bottom. Just as they were about to prep her for the procedure the nurse decided to take one more ultrasound to see if Mitchell had changed position, Thank god he did and was back into the birth canal..Whew.
Once we were back into the birthing room her contraction became more frequent and before you knew it, it was time for the boy to make an appearance.Within minutes his head was starting to show, more and more of him came out followed by the umbilical cord, my god its wrapped around his neck and he is purple.
My heart was now in my throat and my stomach just knotted up,one his shoulders cleared the doctor grabbed him and pulled him out his body was completely purple and his heart rate was very very slow, after a few more minutes he finally took his first big breath of air followed by the sound of him crying, I am the type of guy that doesn't cry to often but this was one of those moments that i cried.
Two years have gone by now and it is almost his birthday and he is a little power house I have called him Moose since the day he was born and my mom calls him Bam Bam because of his strength i.e. carrying a bag of milk or carrying his booster seat not just a few steps but pretty much across the house.
When Moose gets older his sisters will have to watch him with there boyfriends I have a sneaky feeling he will be alot like me when he grows up, and protect the people he loves.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
don't be so negative
I started writing this blog because i want my kids to read it when they get older,and I was writing
mostly about my kids whom this is ultimately for but I was also writing a lot of negative things about my deceased wife.
Thinking back to the days that we were dating way back in 1990 we did have a lot of fun.
Her family was from Newfoundland and most of them live mostly in Toronto.
She was born and raised in Toronto it was a very hard childhood for her,her mother didn't want anything to do with her when she was born,I don't know the circumstances behind that it was always kept private.
her dad had died when she was around two or three, he drown in a small fishing boat that had tipped over,both men were drunk at the time and it was November,her father tried to save the other man but there down filled parkas were saturated with water and they both drown.
She was living with her grandparents right up until she was 17 and moved in with her sister and brother-in-law whom just had a baby.
We met in a mall that was close to my house where she worked at a lottery booth with her friend,
and she knew me from school,so we started dating,we dated for six years with a lot of talk about getting married,but never had done anything about it,mostly on my behalf i felt that I wasn't ready,so after some thought I took the plunge.
We had a small wedding at the same church my parents were married,and our reception was held in a Newfie bar and our honeymoon was at our trailer,man talk about a low budget wedding,but it was fun.
We were married for 14 years and yeah it had its ups and downs and some very stormy parts,
but which marriage doesn't have some of those,but as we grew in our marriage we found that we were not right for each other,yeah we loved one another but we weren't ever in love.
It was like we were there just for companionship,she was a great mom i'll give her that but we were not a very good couple.I have been asked a few times if things were different would we be together and my answer to that would have been no,it was rough on the girls with all the fights and bickering and I just did not have it in me anymore.And for me to write negative stuff about someone that has passed is wrong,
one thing that was great about all of this,
we made three of the best kids on the planet.
mostly about my kids whom this is ultimately for but I was also writing a lot of negative things about my deceased wife.
Thinking back to the days that we were dating way back in 1990 we did have a lot of fun.
Her family was from Newfoundland and most of them live mostly in Toronto.
She was born and raised in Toronto it was a very hard childhood for her,her mother didn't want anything to do with her when she was born,I don't know the circumstances behind that it was always kept private.
her dad had died when she was around two or three, he drown in a small fishing boat that had tipped over,both men were drunk at the time and it was November,her father tried to save the other man but there down filled parkas were saturated with water and they both drown.
She was living with her grandparents right up until she was 17 and moved in with her sister and brother-in-law whom just had a baby.
We met in a mall that was close to my house where she worked at a lottery booth with her friend,
and she knew me from school,so we started dating,we dated for six years with a lot of talk about getting married,but never had done anything about it,mostly on my behalf i felt that I wasn't ready,so after some thought I took the plunge.
We had a small wedding at the same church my parents were married,and our reception was held in a Newfie bar and our honeymoon was at our trailer,man talk about a low budget wedding,but it was fun.
We were married for 14 years and yeah it had its ups and downs and some very stormy parts,
but which marriage doesn't have some of those,but as we grew in our marriage we found that we were not right for each other,yeah we loved one another but we weren't ever in love.
It was like we were there just for companionship,she was a great mom i'll give her that but we were not a very good couple.I have been asked a few times if things were different would we be together and my answer to that would have been no,it was rough on the girls with all the fights and bickering and I just did not have it in me anymore.And for me to write negative stuff about someone that has passed is wrong,
one thing that was great about all of this,
we made three of the best kids on the planet.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
kid number two
It was 2000 and I was working in Barrie Ontario working on my automotive mechanics licence,and Angela was pregnant with child number two.
On March 14 2001 Megan was born, yay two more years of changing diapers.as she got older she became the pickiest eater,she would only eat mashed potatoes unlike her raw onion eating sister, she stayed very picky about her food right up till she was 7,now you can't get her to stop.
Angela and I were getting along for the most part, but that didn't matter I had my two girls and looking at them always brings a smile to my face.
as Megan grew older her imagination began to flourish not wanting to play with her big sis, she was using her imagination and playing alone,the same holds true to this day.
As Megan grew older and older I had become more unhappy in our marriage, you see i,m a very loving and caring man i have a intimidating look but insight I'm a teddy bear.
Friends who really know me have given me the name the gentle giant,the person I'm with bring out the inner me and Angela brought out the wrong me it was a give take relationship,I would put all I had into it.
I was the only income coming into the household and with a lot of encouragement from friends and family to get out there and look for another job she would always use the kids as an excuse not to get out there and find work,That added a lot of unnecessary stress to our relationship.
Megan has become a very smart and creative young lady,she is witty and unselfish, great with mat and becoming a very talented artist.
Kaitlyn is just as talented and witty but now she is 14 sometimes I'm waiting for here head to spin around and vomit pea soup,but all that come with the territory of a teenager.
They are both daddy's little girls and I'm so proud of them.
On March 14 2001 Megan was born, yay two more years of changing diapers.as she got older she became the pickiest eater,she would only eat mashed potatoes unlike her raw onion eating sister, she stayed very picky about her food right up till she was 7,now you can't get her to stop.
Angela and I were getting along for the most part, but that didn't matter I had my two girls and looking at them always brings a smile to my face.
as Megan grew older her imagination began to flourish not wanting to play with her big sis, she was using her imagination and playing alone,the same holds true to this day.
As Megan grew older and older I had become more unhappy in our marriage, you see i,m a very loving and caring man i have a intimidating look but insight I'm a teddy bear.
Friends who really know me have given me the name the gentle giant,the person I'm with bring out the inner me and Angela brought out the wrong me it was a give take relationship,I would put all I had into it.
I was the only income coming into the household and with a lot of encouragement from friends and family to get out there and look for another job she would always use the kids as an excuse not to get out there and find work,That added a lot of unnecessary stress to our relationship.
Megan has become a very smart and creative young lady,she is witty and unselfish, great with mat and becoming a very talented artist.
Kaitlyn is just as talented and witty but now she is 14 sometimes I'm waiting for here head to spin around and vomit pea soup,but all that come with the territory of a teenager.
They are both daddy's little girls and I'm so proud of them.
Monday, January 3, 2011
from the beginning
As I'm writing this i can't help but think but damn its been a long time since i have written anything.
The first attempt i took at writing was a novel titled the heist,
when out of left field I got shot down with your going to write a book ha ha your no where near good enough,
great encouragement huh,and that was coming from my future wife to be.
I wrote a few love poems and a few erotic poems and yet again shot down with no encouragement.
In 1996 we were about to have our first child so all attempts of writing were stopped because becoming a father for the first time would be taking up all of my free time. After my daughter came along
my life changed for the better.its funny how a baby takes over and runs your so called controlled life.
I had met Angela in 1990 while we were still in high school,we dated for six years and decided to get married and our fist child.
I was 24 and my first kid man did it ever scare the shit out of me here was this little girl in my arms and I was thinking to myself what the hell do I do now a lot of what ifs were in my head but as a first time parent or a seasoned vet of 14 years you still don't get it right.
By the time we were married for 4 years things started to go south in our relationship Angela was a very demanding and controlling woman I let it slide for a while until i couldn't take it anymore and the fights started and the arguing just not any type of arguing full out screaming matches I should have known from the start when we were first dating we had an argument while we were driving that resulted in me getting my hand smashed in the ashtray of the car which broke and with the shard of sharp plastic I was then stabbed in my leg,yup and I married this woman.
So by the time I was 28 we had our first break up where she had thrown me out on my ass after yet another argument and I was gone for three months.
I returned home in October of 1998 just in time for my daughters second birthday,
we had a trailer that we used to camp in on the weekends and all of the trailer park showed up for her birthday because we had rented a Barney costume for that occasion,the show were no matter how badly she was crying or putting up a fuss this stupid purple dinosaur had calmed the savage beast.
we had taken turns wearing this costume and entertaining all the two footers so after the millions of gifts were unwrapped barney had to go back to the school yard. to this day my oldest daughter can still remember that stupid purple Dino.
The first attempt i took at writing was a novel titled the heist,
when out of left field I got shot down with your going to write a book ha ha your no where near good enough,
great encouragement huh,and that was coming from my future wife to be.
I wrote a few love poems and a few erotic poems and yet again shot down with no encouragement.
In 1996 we were about to have our first child so all attempts of writing were stopped because becoming a father for the first time would be taking up all of my free time. After my daughter came along
my life changed for the better.its funny how a baby takes over and runs your so called controlled life.
I had met Angela in 1990 while we were still in high school,we dated for six years and decided to get married and our fist child.
I was 24 and my first kid man did it ever scare the shit out of me here was this little girl in my arms and I was thinking to myself what the hell do I do now a lot of what ifs were in my head but as a first time parent or a seasoned vet of 14 years you still don't get it right.
By the time we were married for 4 years things started to go south in our relationship Angela was a very demanding and controlling woman I let it slide for a while until i couldn't take it anymore and the fights started and the arguing just not any type of arguing full out screaming matches I should have known from the start when we were first dating we had an argument while we were driving that resulted in me getting my hand smashed in the ashtray of the car which broke and with the shard of sharp plastic I was then stabbed in my leg,yup and I married this woman.
So by the time I was 28 we had our first break up where she had thrown me out on my ass after yet another argument and I was gone for three months.
I returned home in October of 1998 just in time for my daughters second birthday,
we had a trailer that we used to camp in on the weekends and all of the trailer park showed up for her birthday because we had rented a Barney costume for that occasion,the show were no matter how badly she was crying or putting up a fuss this stupid purple dinosaur had calmed the savage beast.
we had taken turns wearing this costume and entertaining all the two footers so after the millions of gifts were unwrapped barney had to go back to the school yard. to this day my oldest daughter can still remember that stupid purple Dino.
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